Ginny Weasley
by FaithfulHPReader
Summary: I've decided to change this a bit. This is no longer a oneshot, it is now a story with Ginny's random thoughts, showing her continuing struggle to find her own identity seperate from her family's.
1. Tears

_Disclaimer - _I don't own Harry Potter or anything related.

**Author's note - **This is just a little look into Ginny's head during the Final Battle. I know, it's random and it's not that good. But, whatever, I just felt like writing it.

* * *

You know when you stare at something for a long time, you're eyes start to tear up, occasionally actually falling down your face, earning you strange looks from everyone around you?

I like to think that moments like that are allowing you to cry for everything you've lost, everything you were too scared, or too brave, to cry for at the time.

I don't need to stare at anything. I have reason to cry, and I'm sick of being brave.

Fred is gone.

Tonks is gone.

Remus is gone.

Even Colin Creevey is gone.

I can't look at Fred's body, I just can't. To see him like that, vulnerable, his wide, blank eyes staring at nothing, unmoving. Gone. It's just too much.

I've always been the one to hold in her tears, never to show weakness, never to cry in public.

That's changed.

Sure, Fred used to tease me, but I was used to it, I grew up with it. Being the only daughter in a family with seven kids usually gets you teased.

No, it's now six kids.

Well, not really kids anymore. But you get it.

I can't imagine what I must look like to everyone else.

Ginny Weasley, the girl with the nasty bat-bogey hex, the blood traitor, Harry Potter's little fangirl, Harry Potter's ex-girlfriend, Ron's little sister, Bill's little sister, Charlie's little sister, Percy's little sister, George's little sister, Fred's little sister. No, not Fred anymore. But you understand. I was never just me, for the first few years of Hogwarts, it was always one of those titles, well, not Harry Potter's ex-girlfriend yet. Still just the little fangirl.

I remember, back in first year, when I wrote Harry that Valentine's poem. Boy, was that a disaster! Fred teased me about it for weeks. There's no more Fred to tease me about it anymore.

Wiping my eyes with my sleeve, I hear someone approaching me.

Ron. I don't think he's ever even seen me cry before, well, not counting me as a baby, but I doubt he remembers that.

Sitting down next to me, he glances at me hesitantly.

I understand. It must be pretty awkward for him, sitting on the floor, in the middle of a room filled with crying or dead people. Next to the sister you've never seen cry, the brave little girl you had become so protective of. But things were different now. They were different and, no matter how much we would try to deny it, they could never go back.

I turn to him, my face streaked with tears. He slowly wraps his arms around me awkwardly and I cry into his shoulder, wishing that things could be different. That there was never a Voldemort. That he wasn't still out there, waiting for Harry.

No one has seen Harry for a while now. For a moment, I wonder if I ever will see him again.

Sobbing harder, Ron starts to gently rub my back, still awkward. How was he to know how to comfort his sister, who had never needed, nor wanted, his help?

Have you ever felt so sad that you felt as though you were about to die? Although, if Voldemort wins this, that might be the case. But that's not the point.

I quickly thought what it would be like if I were the one dead, not Fred. Would anyone care? Quickly as they came, I push those thoughts out of my mind.

I don't know what's going to happen, all I know is that it's going to be different. Forever.


	2. Falling

**Author's Note** - Well, as you see. I've decided to update this story. Though, I must warn you, updates will be few and far between. Oh, and the setting is constantly changing. For example, last chapter was during the Final Battle, this is in Ginny's fifth year and the next one will be after Dumbledore's funeral. I will be updating this in about a week, but don't expect that to continue.

Disclaimer - I do not own Harry Potter or anything related.

* * *

You know how you always hear people saying they are falling in love? Well, I think I know the logic behind that statement.

When you love someone and you find out that they could never, ever love you. Well, that's when you feel like you are falling. Falling and crashing hard, headfirst into the ground.

Then you begin to feel numb, when you realize that you've been wasting your years pining over someone who could never feel the same.

The tears begin to fall when you realize that he could never love you, you would always just be his best friend's little sister.

That's me, Ginny. All I am known for is being the little sister of Harry Potter's best friend, little sister of the pranksters, Fred and George, little sister of Percy, former Head Boy. Just someone else's little sister. Never just myself.

It's been hard, growing up as the only girl in a family with seven kids. It's been hard trying to find my own identity. Trying to find some part of me that isn't just the little sister.

That's how I've been treated. All my life, I've just been the delicate little girl. The little girl who was outsmarted by a diary, a _diary!_ A little girl who needed the famous Harry Potter to come to her rescue because she could only really be truthful to a diary that was possessed by Voldemort himself.

Sure, I'm different now, but no one will ever be able to see that. What can I say, people just decided to go by what they heard rather then actually get to know me.

But back to the point. Harry Potter could never feel _anything_ for me, but I won't give up.

Harry dating Cho Chang has no chance of lasting long. She spends her days crying, refusing to move on from Cedric. Of course, I can sympathize with her. I could never stop loving Harry, even if he had died that night last year, so I assume she must feel similar with Cedric. But that doesn't stop me from hating her.

When I found out Harry was dating _her_ it just made the crash to the ground ten times more painful.

So, take some advice: Falling in love is _not_ as good as it sounds. Trust me, I know.

Oh, no. Someone is opening the dormitory door.

Quickly wiping my eyes, which I just realized were overflowing with tears, I sat up straighter on my bed and shifted my expression to one of no emotion. One that I have perfected over the years.

"Hi, Maggie," I called over to Maggie Ambrose.

"Oh, hi, Ginny," she replied distractedly. Suddenly she turned her gaze to me, "Is there something different about you?"

"No, Maggie. I have no idea what you're talking about." Tearstains are the new fashion, duh.

"Oh, well, okay then, Ginny." she said, disappearing into behind her bed's curtains.

I am constantly trying to keep strong, but it's really no use. It's not like anyone notices anyway.

Well, I guess that's just a part of my life.

The life of someone who is falling to the ground, crashing to the ground, all without anyone knowing.

Especially not Harry.


End file.
